Post seperation I remember having such strong feelings of anger and bitterness. I would often find myself wallowing in my own self pity, thinking why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I will never have a life of happiness? Am I not good enough to be loved?
Months and months this went on! It took some time to process everything that had happened in my relationship and how I was betrayed and hurt, feeling abandoned. However through it all I had always found a way to be happy for my kids. But on the inside I absolutely loathed myself. Self sabotaging resulted in emotional eating, drinking too much alcohol at times, being too tired all the time and just not wanting to do anything. The anger made me unhappy and this at times I took out on my kids and I feel so bad for that. It wasn't their fault!
Why? Why was I still beating myself up? I didn't know how to stop and I honestly believed that I wasn't a worthy person. I was a terrible person that deserved nothing. At this stage in my life, things were very difficult financially. Quite often most fortnights I was struggling on those last days before I got paid. With myself and three kids I found myself with less than $20 that had to last sometimes 2 or 3 days. But I was okay with it. I had somewhere to live, my bills were paid, my kids were safe and happy. And we had lots of love and fun together.
And then .....
It finally struck me! The only person this is affecting is 'ME'.
It was time to forgive myself and my ex partner and time to move on. It was time to let go of all the anger I had and the unanswered questions. None of it mattered anymore and the longer I held onto it the longer I wallowed in self pity. I am not a product of my past and nor does my past define me. I am stronger and I am happier. I am a little bit broken, but that can be fixed with time and giving myself the chance to heal. I have the power to dictate my life and how I want it to be. I don't need money to make me happy.
Holding onto anger and resentment is not good and here's why;
- You will constantly blame others for your situation
- You'll constantly play the victim card
- You will be drowning in negativity
- You will be constantly reliving the past, and STUCK!
- You will blamer!
- If you start a new relationship you will take all of this negativity into this relationship.. AND...
- All of your actions and reactions are being witnessed by your kids and they will be learning that this is an acceptable behaviour.
How to start to forgive and move on from the past;
- Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself
- Write down a list of traits of the person you want to be
- Further to that list - what actions do you need to start taking to start being this person
- Set some new goals and task sheets
- Identify other areas of your life where you may not be happy eg. work, cluttered house . Make a plan of how you can work on these area's of your life.
- Write down a list of things to do or things that make you happy. Now get out your diary and schedule in a time to do some of these things.
- Get some exercise - exercise produces endorphins which make you feel good, better than chocolate :-)
- Get good rest
- Get some sunshine
- Limit your alcohol intake
- Don't sweat the small stuff. Find the funny things in life and laugh.. LOTS !! It's so good for the soul.
" When you forgive you heal - when you let go you GROW"